i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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