Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
