New low: just hacked my moms facebook
she looked like the before picture.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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