I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I don't deserve a penis
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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