Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
