Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
