My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Dick very happy bro
I think people are normalizing furries
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize