Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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