Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
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