i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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