My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
