That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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