it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
