how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Randomize
