I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
