so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
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