I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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