one word: firstdatebathroomanal
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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