we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
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