Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
nutella sex= disaster
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
