He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
