sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
