I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
