He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
you traded sex for a burrito?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
