Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize