I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
