just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize