Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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