Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
