I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
