My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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