My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
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