Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
