I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Randomize
