I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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