Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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