When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
