Midget sex pt 2 tonight
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Randomize
