I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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