I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
