No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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