What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
