I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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