Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Randomize
