Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
