Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I could fuck to npr.
Randomize
