Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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