i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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