Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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