He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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