If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
