Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
