I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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