All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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