Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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