You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
