i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
