i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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