she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
You have to summon your inner elephant
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
