I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
