i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
