evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
