I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
