she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
how does that bad decision feel?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
