You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize