You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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