I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
