He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
