Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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