Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
