We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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