Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Life is so much better after having sex.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
