Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
