thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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