K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
