i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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