You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
...so i touched it.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
pray to the hookup gods
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
