He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
