I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Randomize
