I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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