Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
