So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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