Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize