had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
