pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
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