Screwed.edu
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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