Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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