You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
